Updates!

Hi everyone and happy 2013! Wow, we are in the second decade of the 21st century. It is very hard to believe. Here are some updates happening here. If interested, please share with others.

Survey:

Currently, I have a survey for adults who survived childhood abuse by their peers. It is on social anxiety. If you are interested in taking this, please email me at adultsurvivorofpeerabuse@gmail.com. In a few weeks, I will be conducting one on P.T.S.D.

Petition:

Currently, I have a petition circulating to amend on the Safe Schools Act 0f 2006 in South Carolina. Only South Carolina residents can sign this petition. 

Amazon: 

I am in the process of trying to update my Google ranking for my book Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying from a Psychological Perspective. If you have time, please click here. Once on the page, click the “like” button. It is on the right hand side and is orange and written in white. I really need these “likes”. Thanks :)

Shorty Awards:

I have been nominated for the 2013 Shorty Awards in #Activism category. Please, if you have time, please vote for me. Every bit helps!

That is all for now. If you are an adult who survived childhood abuse by your peers, email me at adultsurvivorofpeerabuse@gmail.com. I would love to hear from you! Thanks :)

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Hello Herman the Film

“If we hope to heal the pain, we must first discover the cause” Ancient Proverb

The past week was a busy one in my
world. There was a lot going on off and on the internet.  On Friday, I was privileged to see Michelle Danner’s Hello Herman. This is a movie that leaves quite the impression on a person and something I believe every adult in this nation needs to see.

Hello Herman centers around a 15 year old named   Herman Howards (Garrett Backstrom).  He has suffered great loss in his life. His father walked out on him and his family as a child. A sister is accidently killed and he cannot find his mother as it happens. The mother (Michelle Danner) has to work long hours. If this is not enough, he is abused at school by his peers. He is sad, angry and vulnerable to any human interaction. As he does not have much interaction, he plays video games and has learned from them. If you take all of this and bring it all together, we have someone who is starved for love. This is Herman Howards and he goes to great lengths to be heard.

Lax Morales (Norman Reedus) is a Pulitzer Prize winning journalist who uncovered white supremacy in the south. His work is online and not in the mainstream media. He does not live up the “standards” of the established journalist. He helps Herman tell his story. Also, deals with his own past.

Herman committed a school shooting with 39 students and three teachers as victims. We see him getting abused by his peers on a regular basis. Two abusers dunk his head in the toilet. Another pretends to be a girl he likes online. This leads to him professing his love for her in a video. It is not the girl behind the screen, but more abusers. The video is shared all over the school. At home, he is lonely as he plays video games all day. He finally snaps and takes a gun to the school. After the
massacre, he is arrested. Eventually, his sentence is death by the electric chair. Lax Morales comes to the prison to get his story for his online show.  Through flashbacks, we learn of what Herman had to deal with in his life. We get to see the apathy in the adults around him. We have a Senator who wants this crazy kid to fry in the electric chair. There is an insensitive news anchor (Rob Estes) who talks about what a disturbed kid Herman is. As all of this unfolds around them, people are running around asking why this occurred.  People asked a lot of questions. However, it never registered with them as to why this happened. At the end of the movie, Lax confronts Herman as to why he went to these measures to be heard. Herman says he wanted a few minutes of power. However, the bottom line was he was a human being. A human being nobody would listen to. A human life that was devalued.

This movie was dead on with what I have been saying for years about Peer Abuse.
Adults, you MUST get educated. Adults, you MUST step up. We live in a world of
pleasure and self-centered behavior. No, I am not trying to play judge and jury
here. I am stating what I see on a daily basis. Also, the point this movie was
trying to get across. How can we expect our children to be healthy, well-adjusted individuals if WE cannot even see they are suffering and need help? In the movie, Herman tells Lax that kids do all kinds of things that their parents have no knowledge of. Also, things parents would not even dream their kids would do.  I hear this about kids who are abusive. Their parents will not listen or they deny it. As an expert in peer abuse, I do know that it takes adults to stop this problem. We cannot rely upon kids to stop it on their own.  I see adult’s try to come in, and take on this problem. They do not take time to educate themselves beforehand. How can we educate on something we do not know about ourselves? I see adults trying to fight against bullying while engaging in bullying behavior! I see adults who survived childhood abuse by their peers, put in crisis situations twice by these advocates. Again it comes back to EDUCATION!  I will come on Facebook and circulate petitions or other things. Instead of people taking the time to look, they comment on what is for dinner and other insignificant things. Open your eyes adults! Step up! Why must you be so apathetic to what is happening around you? Why won’t you get educated? Why do you not listen? Why are you so selfish? Why are you not listening to the children? Why do you minimize these problems?  Why ? Why? WHY???

Hello Herman is an eye opener. I recommend people to see it. Our kids are killing
themselves and each other. If we want a future, we must deal with the present.

“If we hope to heal the pain, we must first discover the cause” Ancient Proverb

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Psychopaths in Charge

I get a lot of mail in my inbox. I have people asking me to read something they wrote, comment on something or just do an endorsement for them. This can take up a good bit of time. However, every now and again, someone will send something that stands out with me. In this case, it is an infograph and a brief article entitled Your Boss is Insane.

For years, I have been saying what this infograph is saying. Psychopaths are abusive and are running our offices. They are charming, scheming, manipulative and have no conscience whatsoever. I was beginning to feel like a broken record out here. I have this in my book Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying from a Psychological Perspective. The greatest concern I have is that adult survivors are in there working for these people. Does anyone not find this troubling? How can someone who is an adult go to work, have their P.T.S.D. flare up and be expected to do a job effectively? These abusers are trying to pick at old wounds here. Some will say the survivor should be getting help and they are nuts. Yeah, okay, considering this is not even considered a clinical problem yet I am sure he or she is getting right on that. Give me a break! The problem is not the survivor but the bully! The BULLY needs the help!

The bottom line is that these abusers are costing us time, money and our health. The problems they are giving us are ulcers, headaches, high blood pressure, stress, anxiety, depression and having trauma flare back up. We complain about our economy being so bad. Well, we are reeping what we have sown. What else is there to say?

If you are a survivor and are dealing with abuse at work, please contact me as I can help you or get you to the people who can help you. You are not imagining anything. No, you are not crazy or losing it. You are being retraumatized as a result of the abuse that is being handed out to you. You have rights as a human being. Look into them!

Thank you Sarah Wenger for sharing this with me. Please visit the Learn Stuff website to see this great infograph.

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Bully the movie

Well, here is my take on the movie Bully. Please keep in mind that this is a review, and the movie will probably get opinions from all sides. Please, please be respectful of each other’s opinions if you comment. Do not attack one another. I am saying this ahead of time, as I know this movie has people running on emotions. Agree to
disagree and move on.  Also, there are going to be spoilers in here. If you do not like these, then please do not read below here.

I should start with the school represented in the movie. The
principal? OMGAH! What kind of principal is that? Here are parts of the movie where she could have taken action, with a little education.

Towards the beginning, when she took a little boy out of class for a talk, she was either talking to him about being bullied or talking to him about being a bully. I cannot remember.  If it was about being bullied, she should have referred him to a guidance counselor and spoken to the bully separately. I never saw her speak to the bully and no punishment was issued. Then, she walked down the hall, saying, “What am I doing? I do not know what I am doing,” and other words that amounted to ‘blah, blah’.  No kidding!  The principal had probably never been trained or taken the time to educate herself on this problem!

When the kids were standing outside and she let them in, she stopped two boys.  She told them to shake hands and ‘play nice’, but in different words. As you saw, the victim refused to do it. The bully did do it.  For that, she excused the bully and kept the victim behind. She fussed at him for not cooperating. Um, the bully
was hurting him regularly and she did nothing? Again, let’s blame the
victim and make this kid the bad guy. Oh and the bully smelled like a rose. Of
course, with her standing there, the bully would cooperate!  That bully was not an idiot.  Why didn’t she get the bully back and find out why he was bullying? There was no punishment for the bully.  The principal just bitched at the victim because he was reluctant to shake hands. Would you want to make peace with someone who possibly threatened you and violated you on a daily basis? She should have stepped back and talked to the bully. Also, she should have asked both boys if any witnesses were around when the abuse was happening. It goes back to peer mediation. If I have said it once, I will say it again: peer mediation is crap unless it involves little kids and mild cases. This did not look like a mild case to me.

This really burned me up: Alex’s parents came to talk to the principal about the behavior on the bus.  The principal suggested putting him on another bus.  As if that would solve the problem! These abusers would just abuse someone else if Alex were gone. The principal needed to learn that these abusers/bullies must be
stopped.  Bullies move on to other kids after they are finished with the first one.  During the meeting, she said she rode the bus route and the kids were “good as gold”. No kidding! She was on the bus. The kids would not have been stupid. Who is going to pull that crap with her on the bus?  Then she showed photos of her
grandkids – sheesh!  Later, we see she informed the assistant principal about the bullying.  The principal got kids into the office individually, and yes, a couple of them admitted to harming Alex.  One kid, with ‘Vikings’ written on his shirt, was the worst. He sat there all, pompous and arrogant, and said, “Yes, I did this to Alex because he made me mad.” Well guess what, kid? I deal with people who make me mad a lot, but I do not physically abuse them! If I were that principal, I would have been on the phone immediately with that child’s parents and looked into detention or expulsion (first offense). What did she do?  Instead, she
gave Alex grief because he did not report any incidents!  The kids shown on Alex’s bus were monsters!  I would suspect they scared him into not telling. The language they used was horrible.  Do you remember this movie got an R rating due to language and everyone was up in arms? I can see why it was rated R. These kids live in an R-rated society.  The language they use is horrible. It is not as if they have never heard the language before. They use it daily!

Every time those kids were on the bus, the driver did nothing. Nada! Alex was
pushed out of his seat and the driver did nothing.  Alex was choked and the driver did nothing.  Good as gold, my shoe!

The little girl in Mississippi was another scenario that peeved me off. Yes, she brought a gun and pulled it out on the bus. It appeared that the bus had a camera on it. She was charged with 45 counts of kidnapping and placed in juvenile hall .  I must ask why the kids who abused her were not punished in the first place.  A
person does not ‘snap’ without being pushed to the limit first. That ignorant
whatshisface said, “You don’t bring a gun to school, regardless,” or something
to that effect. Yeah, let’s make her the only bad guy and ignore the abusers’
part in it.  A camera was on the bus! I was glad she was able to go home, but once again, there was no accountability for the abusers.  That bus driver should have
punished the ones giving her a hard time as well.

The bullycides were heartbreaking and very sad. I did get sad at these parts. I am so glad Kirk Smalley has formed Stand for the Silent. Events and rallies like this are needed. They get people fired up. They remember those who are gone: a great way to show children how to develop empathy.

Then there was the school board meeting, or whatever it was. Again, ignorance abounds, and the parents were devastated. Kids even stood up and talked about this abuse. The resource officer did nothing. I am hearing a lot about these officers doing nothing.  Something can be done. Why didn’t they document it? Why didn’t they recommend an arbitration program or family court? No, I do not believe these
alternatives are “harsh”; I believe they will hit home. Listen — arbitration
programs have 96% success rates. Family court will knock them into reality.
Most importantly, why were parents not called? Resource officers should liaise with law enforcement when dealing with these issues.

Listen:  a kid who is choking others, constantly verbally or physically abusing them –or anyone involved in this type of abuse, for that matter– needs to be evaluated. I am serious!  A high school kid was choking another kid:  where is the joke in that? When I was in high school, I knew someone could die from being choked. It is not a joke!  Even then, I knew it was not a joke, but serious business. A kid was sitting on another kid’s head because the kid made him mad?  No, that kid needs some serious anger management. I am not joking.

Suspension, expulsion, and ISS are not acceptable punishments, especially for re-offenders. To older kids, suspension is a vacation. Let the punishment fit the crime!  These methods might work in elementary school, but in middle and high school, they will not.  Expulsion will only allow these kids to go to another school and pull the same crap on someone else.  As for ISS, I had that in high school and
spent the day passing notes with another girl in there. I did not learn
anything at all from that punishment except a bunch of gossip from the other
girl.

A lot of times, kids don’t tell because they carry shame with them. I saw how Alex got rid of some of that frustration. He played on the trampoline.  Also, he went dangerously close to a moving train at one point. They fear telling because they know they will “get it” from the abuser later on. This shame is the same as in any other type of abuse.

This is what I mean by education:  nobody should demand that someone who is
being abused must shake hands with an abuser as if nothing is wrong. Would anyone expect that of the victim of a sexual abuser? Heck, no! In all of these
scenarios, bullies/abusers were not held accountable for their behavior. Why? Lack of education on the part of the adults!

There were no real solutions in this movie.  This is interesting, because someone wanted me to come and speak during the month of June. They said my book also did not offer “practical solutions.”  My solutions are based on what is happening and what can be done that is not being done. I now wonder what they
would think of this movie, as there were no real solutions.  At the end, we saw the gay girl say people would not sit with her in class. We saw the rally for Stand for the Silent on the bullycides. We learned from Alex’s parents that he will probably never fit in. So what? If fitting in means being nasty and rude, I would not want to fit in, either. I liked Alex; I saw a lot of myself in him.

This was a movie that tried to grab at empathy within kids
and adults. You bet it did! It touched me and made me teary- eyed. I felt for
the kids being abused and the kids who lost their lives. I also felt for the
families, because as you saw, this affects the whole family and not just the
child. I was furious at these schools, at the ignorance of the adults. As one
parent in the movie said, “You do not really understand unless you walk in that
person’s shoes.”  I can assure you this is the case. As a society, we lack social empathy and pain. I did a blog about this once.  These kids are destroying one
another, and when they reach 18, we expect them to come into society as
well-adjusted adults.  It is not going to happen!

Also, we are so busy trying to reach the kids. However, adults are not educating themselves in the process. How can we expect these kids to change when we continue with our own behavior? I was watching a reality show one night, which featured both children and adults. They did an episode on fighting bullying. I watched it and counted 30 incidents of bullying among the adults in the 45 minutes of airtime. That’s about an incident every 30 seconds.  I know it was a lot. Why were those adults fighting something they were doing themselves? This is also what I mean by lack of education.

Again, this is my opinion.  There is so much more I could say.

The greatest problem is that this is not considered a form of abuse. We have child abuse, sexual abuse, domestic abuse, animal abuse and elder abuse.  Then, we have bullying. Just saying!

Thanks go to Rebecca Freeman for editing this for me! It is much appreciated :)

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Petition: Amend on Safe Schools Act 2006

Hi everyone, I hope you are well and having a great summer. I started a petition recently to amend on the Safe Schools Act here in South Carolina. This law passed in 2006. Schools were to get something in place about bullying or be fined. However, the feedback I am getting and recent events in the local news have left me bewildered. I believe more education is needed and adults need to be trained on this problem. Evidently, what is happening is not enough. So, I have designed a petition for South Carolina residents to sign. We need to show lawmakers that we are serious about this. If you are a South Carolina resident, please take a moment and sign this. This is for South Carolina residents only! If you are not in South Carolina then please do not sign. I will be deleting your signature if you are not from South Carolina.

Please visit here to sign the petition. Thanks so much for your time! I care about these kids in this state and they deserve to live in a safe enviornment.

Take Care,

Elizabeth

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Friends and Romance

I have been working on this eBook for quite a while.  As a result, I have
not been able to blog as I would have liked.  However, the book is finished, and there will be more blogging regarding the book, in the near future.

I have already sold several copies of my book.  One thing I wanted to do
while it was on sale, was discuss some of things in the book.  The book contains a lot of information for adults who survived childhood abuse by their peers.  I took some time to elaborate on some of the characteristics of these types of individuals.  I started with friends and romantic relationships with peers and potential spouses.

Suppose someone is abused by their peers on a regular basis, while growing up.  How can we expect them to trust, and make friends easily, as adults?  Is there any
logic to this?  This, however, seems to be expected in our society.  Every person’s situation is different, and chances are, some have been able to overcome this psychological (and often physical) trauma.  However, many cannot.  Adults who survived, tend to be “loners” or choose friends that are abusive.  Some, choose to avoid relationships, because they do not want to experience repeated rejection.  Bad relationships leave these individuals even more insecure, and in many cases, they feel like “third wheels” or “odd people out.”  I am speaking in general terms, of course.

As for dating and romance, some have been able to marry, while others are not so fortunate. How can we expect people to trust, if they never learned this, while growing up?  I have seen, in severe cases, that survivors fear intimacy.  This is common, among abuse survivors, not only in cases of peer abuse.

Our society expects normal behavior from the abused.  Many in our society are
uneducated regarding abuse and its effects; I wonder if this problem amplifies
the trauma.  Many survivors are currently trying to cope with, and succeed in spite of their P.T.S.D., anxiety issues, and reluctance to trust.  Yet, we expect
the abused to be well-adjusted? These are things to ponder.

I urge everyone to seek education, regarding this very important issue.  I
suggest getting to know someone who has been abused; they may be among the
nicest people you will ever meet.  These people may be in turmoil, but a little bit of nice can be mutually beneficial.

Check out my new eBook now on sale! A thanks to Natalie Larkowski for the editing on this piece.

 

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Book on sale: Grab a copy NOW!

Hey! Well, the book is FINALLY finished and now on sale. I never thought it would happen with all of the snags and mishaps that have gotten in the way. However, it is NOW on sale and here is information for you to know.

Book Highlights:

  • Peer Abuse and what is in a name
  • Psychological aspects of Peer Abuse
  • Resolutions in dealing with problems such as clinical depression, social anxiety and PTSD.
  • Resolutions in dealing with the abuser at school and work.
  • Relational Aggression which is covert abuse
  • Introducing the Adult Survivor of Peer Abuse
  • Great for Adult Survivors of Bullying/Peer Abuse

Yes, you read correctly! My book Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying from a Psychological Perspective is now in ebook form! What a great way to kick off  spring! Why run to Amazon or another website when you can get it right here? There are great advantages to purchasing this online.

Advantages:

  • You are buying the book now and can read right from the computer.
  • Each book is $5.00 U.S.
  • There are no shipping charges or taxes.
  • You get your copy immediately or soon after purchase. No waiting around.
  • Would make a great gift for anyone in the clinical field.

Here is all you need to do:

  1. Go to the Pay Pal button listed on the right side of this site for donations.
  2. Click on the Pay Pal Donation button. Donate $5.00 U.S.
  3. An email will be sent to me for confirmation and I will check it when I log on daily and before I log off for the day.
  4. You will get your copy in less that 24 hours of purchase.

Thats it! Its that simple! So, what are you waiting for! Come on! Grab your copy!

Any questions? Please email me at adultsurvivorofpeerabuse@gmail.com .

Disclaimer: Information in this book is advice based only. Elizabeth is not practicing psychotherapy at this point. Suggestions that are clinical and psychological are made in this book.  Please use these methods and suggestions responsibly. Thank you.

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Adult Survivors Wall of Honor

Adult Survivors of Bullying/Peer Abuse are a very special lot. We lived abuse as children and survived it. As a result, we deserve this honor. Are you an adult who survived childhood Bullying/Peer Abuse? If so, this is the place for you.

Requirements

  • You must have experienced abuse by your peers between the ages of 2-17 years of age.
  • On the wall, only first names will be listed. No last names, stories or anything else. This ensures privacy.
  • This wall is for survivors only. There will be no bullycides, current abuse in school, work or anywhere else done by peers. If a survivor is in the workplace they are allowed but they must have experienced this during childhood. My heart goes out to these others. :(
  • Survivors of child, domestic, sexual, elder, animal or any other form of abuse will not be added. Sorry :(
  • Sibling Abuse survivors are allowed as this was done by peers in the home.
  • School shooters/murderers who are now adults and acted as a result of the abuse will be added. Shooters who committed bullycide will not. If you know of any, please let me know and will add them.

Check out the page:  http://peerabuse.net/adult-survivors-wall-of-honor-3/

If this is you, please email me at adultsurvivorofpeerabuse@gmail.com.

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Adult Survivors: This may interest you

   Hello, I have been in touch with Firecracker Films and they are seeking stories on the B word. The age limit is up to 24 so those adult survivors who are between 18-24 are eligible to participate. See contact information below. Have a good day :)

Have you been the victim of bullying or are you currently being bullied? Do you have an inspirational story that’s seen you overcome your abuse? Would you like the chance to share your experiences?

 MTV and Firecracker Films are making a powerful and groundbreaking film that explores the universal stories of young people all over the world who have been affected by bullying, and gives a voice to those who want to make a stand.

 So, if you’ve been bullied, are being bullied at the moment or have a story that will give others hope then please get in touch, as our experienced team would love to hear from you. There is absolutely no obligation to take part – we’d just like to tell you more about the project and see if it’s something you’d like to be involved in. And don’t worry it won’t involve lots of intrusive filming either. All correspondence will be dealt with in total confidence.

We believe this project is important and unique in giving a voice to those who have fallen victim to bullying – thanks and we hope to hear from you soon.

 You can contact us at Emma.Findlay@firecrackerfilms.com or Yourstory@firecrackerfilms.com  or alternatively by phone on +44 (0)207 349 3492.  

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The class reunion

 

Well, another week and yes, I admit I have been slack in blogging. It’s my bad and I admit it. Summer has a way of taking up extra energy and the temperatures here in the deep south have been scorching. Plus, caring for my mother takes a lot of energy. It is like I am the adult and she is the child. Anyway….on to the purpose of this blog.

As a survivor, I will admit that I have not attended my high schools 10th or 20th reunions. Why? Well duh….revisiting the past is not my personal idea of fun. True, I have had an abuser/bully apologize to me via email a few years ago, one find me on My Space and another send a friend request on Facebook. I accepted the apology from the email, offered condolences to the one on My Space as her mother passed away and blocked the one on Facebook. I had heard that the one from Facebook had not changed a bit since the terror she brought me, but gotten worse. However, it did seem that the one from email had matured and was concerned for her own children and their safety. At the same time, this has not led me to go look up everyone online and get all excited about the reunions. As a matter of fact, I had to call someone from the reunion committee and ask them that they cease with the emails about this festive affair back in the summer of 06. I will admit that even though I have come a long way in healing, some of these individuals still haunt me in my dreams. Despite my personal choice not to go take a night and relive the past, it does not mean that other survivors will do the same. I get emails all the time from survivors and some share my attitude while others have no problem going back. Some have had these abusers apologize to them online or in person. There is one case where the abuser and the abused became friends as adults through Facebook. At the same time, I have heard horror stories where the person was traumatized once again by their abuser and they were hurt once again. So, it is a mixed bag so to speak.

I picked up an article this week which gave great advice on dealing with this dilemma that survivors face every 10 years or so. I believe contacting the reunion committee and finding out who will be there is a great start. In my case, they found me first, but it may not be the same for everyone. I suggest finding someone on the committee that did not add to any abuse and talking to them and if you feel like it, share with them your thoughts. I had no trouble doing that and the feedback was positive and the committee member had no idea what pain I was in from this. Also, it is true that the abuser has probably forgotten their dirty deeds from back in the day so they may approach the abused with ignorance. What I really appreciated about the article was the fact that they did not make it sound like all was well in childhood bully land. You see, many believe that this behavior is outgrown and every abuser will apologize and live happily ever after. However, not all grow up, but some grow worse. Adult bullies/abusers are a lot more sophisticated in their abuse and tend to turn to relational aggressive tactics in handling the abused. Sure, they are “nice” and may “apologize” but one must never be too careful. As an adult, the abused and abuser do not “know” each other so initial conversation will come off as polite. Adults do not run around shouting “Becky has cooties” like children do, but are cordial for the most part. I also saw a great video on the psychopath and the different types. Some of these psychopaths started life as childhood bullies/abusers. It is a video I believe any survivor or anyone in society needs to watch. It is not the pictures used in the video that are important (I disagree with some of them that are used) but it is the content. Listen to what is being said and described.

So, should a survivor hit up the reunion? My advice is if they go to proceed with caution and the same with Facebook or other social network connections. I will always stay on the side of caution when it comes to this. I am not about to put anyone at risk. At the same time, this is a personal decision and one that not everyone may need to make in moving forward. Some will need this closure while others can get closure in other ways. The important thing is healing and moving forward. I only want the best for every survivor out there as we deserve it!

Resources: WordPress is not letting me add these links into this post and is being a pain so will leave them here:

 http://www.sacbee.com/2011/08/29/3869005/how-to-survive-the-bully-at-your.html

 http://beforeitsnews.com/story/987/483/Psychopaths:_The_Predators_Around_Us.html

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