The class reunion

Well, another week and yes, I admit I have been slack in blogging. It’s my bad and I admit it. Summer has a way of taking up extra energy and the temperatures here in the deep south have been scorching. Plus, caring for my mother takes a lot of energy. It is like I am the adult and she is the child. Anyway….on to the purpose of this blog.

As a survivor, I will admit that I have not attended my high schools 10^th or 20^th reunions. Why? Well duh….revisiting the past is not my personal idea of fun. True, I have had an abuser/bully apologize to me via email a few years ago, one find me on My Space and another send a friend request on Facebook. I accepted the apology from the email, offered condolences to the one on My Space as her mother passed away and blocked the one on Facebook. I had heard that the one from Facebook had not changed a bit since the terror she brought me, but gotten worse. However, it did seem that the one from email had matured and was concerned for her own children and their safety. At the same time, this has not led me to go look up everyone online and get all excited about the reunions. As a matter of fact, I had to call someone from the reunion committee and ask them that they cease with the emails about this festive affair back in the summer of 06. I will admit that even though I have come a long way in healing, some of these individuals still haunt me in my dreams. Despite my personal choice not to go take a night and relive the past, it does not mean that other survivors will do the same. I get emails all the time from survivors and some share my attitude while others have no problem going back. Some have had these abusers apologize to them online or in person. There is one case where the abuser and the abused became friends as adults through Facebook. At the same time, I have heard horror stories where the person was traumatized once again by their abuser and they were hurt once again. So, it is a mixed bag so to speak.

I picked up an article this week which gave great advice on dealing with this dilemma that survivors face every 10 years or so. I believe contacting the reunion committee and finding out who will be there is a great start. In my case, they found me first, but it may not be the same for everyone. I suggest finding someone on the committee that did not add to any abuse and talking to them and if you feel like it, share with them your thoughts. I had no trouble doing that and the feedback was positive and the committee member had no idea what pain I was in from this. Also, it is true that the abuser has probably forgotten their dirty deeds from back in the day so they may approach the abused with ignorance. What I really appreciated about the article was the fact that they did not make it sound like all was well in childhood bully land. You see, many believe that this behavior is outgrown and every abuser will apologize and live happily ever after. However, not all grow up, but some grow worse. Adult bullies/abusers are a lot more sophisticated in their abuse and tend to turn to relational aggressive tactics in handling the abused. Sure, they are “nice” and may “apologize” but one must never be too careful. As an adult, the abused and abuser do not “know” each other so initial conversation will come off as polite. Adults do not run around shouting “Becky has cooties” like children do, but are cordial for the most part. I also saw a great video on the psychopath and the different types. Some of these psychopaths started life as childhood bullies/abusers. It is a video I believe any survivor or anyone in society needs to watch. It is not the pictures used in the video that are important (I disagree with some of them that are used) but it is the content. Listen to what is being said and described.

So, should a survivor hit up the reunion? My advice is if they go to proceed with caution and the same with Facebook or other social network connections. I will always stay on the side of caution when it comes to this. I am not about to put anyone at risk. At the same time, this is a personal decision and one that not everyone may need to make in moving forward. Some will need this closure while others can get closure in other ways. The important thing is healing and moving forward. I only want the best for every survivor out there as we deserve it!

Resources: WordPress is not letting me add these links into this post and is being a pain so will leave them here:

 http://www.sacbee.com/2011/08/29/3869005/how-to-survive-the-bully-at-your.html

 http://beforeitsnews.com/story/987/483/Psychopaths:_The_Predators_Around_Us.html